Today is a bad day. I had a bad dream this morning. I usually love my dreams about my sister Heather but this one was horrible. We were fighting in the dream and being mean to each other. I knew better since I knew she was leaving soon. We continued to fight and I woke up with a lump in my throat, tears streaming down my face and I was crying out loud. Having dreams like that just DO NOT start your day off right. I have felt off kilter all day today .. in fact, I have been feeling irritable all week. I am about to start so I guess that is the reason I'm feeling like this.
I have to decide which engagement pictures to order and I have to make a decision this week. It's so hard when you have so many choices. I know... life is tough. It's petty and minute but I'm sad this week so it feels worse than it sounds.
I also do not know how to make a wedding program and I don't want to spend money ordering one when I can make them myself easily although that completely contradicts what I just wrote: I do not know how to make a wedding program... but I will attempt it.
The money I am spending on this wedding is starting to stress me out. I think I am at my budget already - maybe over it. But, it just want it to be perfect. Sometimes I get irritated with my parents because they don't have any money and can't afford to pay for my wedding - any of it. That was another reason why I decided that I would have it where I wanted it since they weren't paying it would be hard for me to plan something in a town I didn't live in. But then I realize that it isn't such a big deal that they can't afford it. I actually can afford it right now so I am affording it. Anyway... RML has issues with my parents not paying for the wedding. He thinks it should be traditional - I remind him that our relationship didn't exactly start traditional also if he wants to be traditional we shouldn't be living with each other - if you are going to follow one rule you have to follow them all - you can't pick and choose. Whatever...
My brother Patrick, the Marine, is in a 2 week training session in which he and his platoon are dropped off a helicopter in the woods and it is a war simulation. The object (obviously) is not to get caught but they all do since it's part of the training to be a POW. I can't imagine that he is really enjoying getting roughed up for 14 days. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to become a soldier and fight for their country and put their whole life and happiness at risk for their country's freedom.
I am starting to feel stressed about the wedding. I have to find shoes for myself, my bridesmaid's have to find shoes, the remaining dresses had BETTER be delivered on time, I still need so many little things.... I don't have a menu set, I haven't been able to get ahold of my chef, I don't have someone set up to do my hair nor do I know how I want it and the list is growing and GROWING and GROWING.
I have been curious to see the "bridezilla" show but who can keep up with other shows when you have CSI and Law and Order.
PS - Last night on my way home I saw a guy on a Harley that looked just like the ex I wrote about yesterday. Bizzaro!