I had one of my dreams last night where one of my passed away loved ones is alive again. This time it was my cousin�s Dad Kerry. I think this all stemmed from the other evening when I called my cousin Cindy. She is now using her Dad�s old cell phone so when I went to voice mail his voice was still on the message. It brought tears to my eyes but the sound of his voice was so sweet. It was such a good feeling to be able to hear his voice again. Cindy said she calls her phone every day just to hear his voice. If I had a message from my Grandma or sister I would definitely listen to it daily. Cell phones were not really around much when Heather was alive and she didn�t leave our home message � it was my Mom�s voice. Oh well. OK, back to the dream. It was similar to the ones that I have about my sister. I went to their house to be with my cousins because I knew how sad they were� when I went upstairs I found them all sitting on their parent�s bed in the dark. Come to find out their Dad was laying there as well. When I walked up to him his eyes suddenly opened and he looked confused� then he started talking about work and things he needed to do and acted as though nothing had ever happened. When we tried to get close to hug him he kept moving� when I have my Heather dreams I always ask her why she left me and if she forgave me for being a bad sister at times. She never would answer my question but she would always remind me of the fun times we had together� maybe that is her way of telling me she forgave me or that I should forgive myself. Anyway� when I awoke from the dream I felt sad and unsettled and then RML started snoring and I couldn�t get him to quit for at least half an hour (this is at 3:30 AM). Finally I pulled his pillow and he woke up and resituated and went back to sleep with no snoring � thank God! I cannot sleep with noise � I wake up at every little sound.

I sent my cousins Cindy, Jenny, Becky, Mary Lou their Mom and Grandma sympathy cards that I had picked out for each of them. I sent them all and they all received them on the 13th and 14th of February. This turned out to be perfect since they were all sad about their Dad. He always gave each one of them roses on Valentines Day � no matter where they were � work, school, home, etc�. their Mom was crying when Cindy got home because she said �she�ll never get her Valentine roses again��. Jenny sent me a letter thanking me and telling me how much it meant to get that card and for me to have been there for the funeral. Cindy then called me and it�s amazing � I never thought that my cards and what I wrote would actually make them feel better. I�m so glad that I could bring some happiness to their darkened lives. Cindy asked me if you ever stop missing them � the answer is �no� but as more times go by you start to only remember the happy times and you know they are happy � the hurt and anger starts to fade.

Enough sad talk � RML told me Saturday that we are going to Fredericksburg for a weekend towards the end of March. He said that he already knows where we will stay and we are going to go to the wineries in the Hill Country. Texas Hill Country is beautiful in the Spring � the blue bonnets are out and it�s gorgeous � I have a feeling this is the weekend that he will propose (officially) and give me my ring. How exciting!

I�m going back to having my wedding in Illinois/Wisconsin. If I do I need to only invite immediate family/wedding party to the dinner afterwards. I�m sure the rest of the family will understand that its only about the cost. Also, if I were to have my wedding the same weekend as our Family Reunion then everyone could come and we�d all be together the following day as well. I think that may work the best. I haven�t made a decision � RML and I haven�t made a decision but by April I plan to have the date and location set.