Isn't it funny how when you have a friend in a bad situation you know EXACTLY how to handle it and it seems so easy? For example, say your friend is in a bad relationship and keeps holding on. I would just say "kick his ass to the curb because you don't deserve to be treated that way...". Isn't it so much easier to tell others what to do than actually do that same thing in your own life? In my lifetime I have had 4 men that I just could not move on from (well, eventually I did, but it took many a heartache to do so and much abuse that I brought upon myself by not moving on as I should have. First guy was Dan... Dan, Dan, Dan. For some reason I just could not move on from this guy - we'd break up and I'd swear I'd never talk to him again and next you know we're going to dinner, movies and back to his place... Even though he treated me like crap, went out with other girls behind my back, always went out with the boys and was constantly seen by my friends dancing with other tricks err I mean chicks. I actually even followed him one night because I wanted to see what he did after he went out (I had to work late at Outback and happenned to be leaving when I saw his car pull out of Stash O'Neils.) He lived in the dorm at the school close to the bar so I waited for him to go in and park and then I pulled in and went outside his window (he was on the first - basement level - floor). I watched him as he called the first girl. I could hear him because he had his window cracked as he usually did. He tried to get her to come over and I guess she was too tired or something... then he called #2 and she didn't answer and I could hear him leaving her a voicemail.. #3 call - he didn't talk to anyone... #4 call was me. ME! # FRICKIN' 4!!!! Can you believe it???? And we were seriously DATING at the time - or at least I thought. He asked if I wanted to come over... are you KIDDING ME???? I told him no, he should have called me a little earlier because I was already almost home (home was about a half hour away). Jerk! It wasn't much longer after that incident that I decided to move to the Big D. That is only one instance of the many that he treated me poorly - and guess what? All and I mean ALL of my girlfriends told me to kick him to the curb. The next guy was Michael Hauser. I'm not sure I will go into much detail but to say the guy was a liar, a snake, a cheat and he only wanted you when you didn't want him. I didn't date him long enough for my friends to tell me to dump him. The next guy - Will Tucker - I was in love with Will. He was my fiance and I was going to marry him.... Now I can't tell you that I was perfect in all this because I wasn't and I won't go into all of my transgressions but I was a horrible fiance. Will and I were doomed to fail and I don't know why. His alcohol got the best of him and he liked going out with the boys too much and too late at that. Our troubles started when he lost his job and he lost it because he wasn't being responsible - went out and partied too much - hung over regularly and then broke his ankle being drunk and stupid with a 21 year old friend who was nothing but trouble. Mind you, Will was 33..... not a good situation. I moved out and things got ugly. I really hurt him though and I was immature and didn't treat him with respect and be honest with him so he could move on - I just kept stringing him along... I feel sad that I did this and that is why I felt I owed him something when we got back together. Even though he was going out with other girls and lying to me I felt I deserved it and then I started having a problem with alcohol and it started ruining my life. Having Don in the picture did not help... I do not know why I dated him - he was about 30 years older than me! Yikes! But, he was wealthy, gave me presents, had a beautiful home, a dog I loved.... we went out to nice places and I always had access to the country club and my best friend was dating his best friend so it was a couples thing. That was no good either and many a times I heard that I should leave him and move on .... it took me almost 2 years to do so. Imagine, a relationship that lasts only 6 months turns into a 2 year heartache. I didn't treat him well either... I was still hanging with Will and Don and I didn't know which way was up, down, left or right and I drank much too heavily. I cried all the time and was constantly hung over and I gained 30 pounds. My little brother came to visit me and I'm embarassed at how I behaved around him.. I'm embarassed at how I behaved when my friend Madison came to visit too. That's the night I was "waterworks"... as I was many other nights. Ugh... Then one day (after over a year of counseling) I decided to turn my life around. Last November I had it with being fat - I quit smoking in October so felt healthier. I started working out daily and sometimes twice a day. I ate less but ate healthier. I rarely drank anything with alcohol and I felt happier than I had in a long time. Then I met Andrew - he was a good distraction for me. I continued losing weight and lost all 30 pounds I had put on. Then, Andrew broke up with me... I was very upset for a week and then it started to pass. It's just the rejection that hurt, not that we had ended because I had a lot of reservations about him anyway...
Then I met RML...
Now, I have the best guy in the world (no, he's not perfect) but we click. We respect each other, love each other, fight with each other but make up and do not rehash past arguments because we resolve them at the time they happen. We always are affectionate and loving to each other and care about what the other is dealing with and we make it our problem as well to go through it as a team. He opens all my doors, he rubs my feet, takes baths with me, he cooks ME dinner (well, I suppose that might be a bit selfish on his part because my cooking is horrible) but still, he makes me dinner. We grocery shop together and run errands together. He drops me off to get a manicure/pedicure because I deserve it. He washes my car every week and helps me in my times of need. It's funny how different I feel with him... But, the moral of the story is: I had to move on from all of those frogs and let them go in order to find what I have now. I see all sorts of people in bad relationships but they continue to be glutton for punishment by staying with the creep. It's so hard to see your friends hurt because some loser has their heart or makes them feel they owe something and have to stay with them or that you just are too scared to move on and not have that security. Anyway, I hope that all my friends find the happiness I've found even though it may not always be puppies and sunsets it's a healthy relationship with two people who are giving 100%.