Today has been a hectic and emotionally draining day for me. Actually, this week has been somewhat draining.

We have a work function on Monday that is a celebration for meeting our numbers for the past 2 months and our Region had 8MILLION in sales for 2 months! That's awesome! I actually helped in a lot of this because I put together the responses to the RFP's for several bids that we won. I put a lot of time and effort in them and it paid off.

If I were to go to this event on Monday, I would get to meet Cal Ripken and get my picture taken and autograph and possibly meet some of the other all-star players. That night they are all going to dinner at a very nice restaurant in the Galleria Area of Houston - very nice. But, guess what? I CAN'T go because of RML and I working for the same company. Granted it's in different locations, but he's on the Leadership team and I am .... well ... I am not. So this is disappointing to me because I deserve some recognition for my hard work too but can't go because if I did it would be too awkward for RML and then he would not want to attend the event. NOw I know that he didn't mean it in a bad way, but I took offense -- almost like he didn't want to go because he didn't want to be in that type of environment with me. ME personally. It was no big deal to my boss that I couldn't make it, but now I don't feel like part of the team. It shouldn't matter and it's so trivial, but I am going to be sitting here at the office by myself Monday and Monday night by myself again since RML will be at the event and still won't be able to talk to me because he won't be able to call. I just don't think he understands how that makes me feel.....

Here's a little IM'ing that went on not too long ago...

RML: you ok?

ME: yes, you?

RML: yes

RML: makign sure not mad

RML: ok

RML: sorry

RML: for issue

RML: effects me

I really didn't have much to say -- I just ended it with "it's not a big deal, yadda yadda" "I just overreacted, blah blah".... Well, you know what? I'm getting tired of always being the one that has to make all the sacrifices. When we talked on the phone after this he said he was sorry for being heated about the situation and for making me feel like I don't matter. I accept his apology.... but he also said "I know, I know.. paybacks are a bitch"... You're damn right buddy! Just wait until I want to do something and it's not necessarily something you want me to do... I'll get to do it. Is that really a healthy attitude?

I do feel better after talking to my best friend Madison about it. She's the one I go to if I want honest advice without the sugar coating and taking my side just because we're friends. I love and miss her bunches! Wish we lived closer... you know.. I wish a lot of people lived closer or I lived closer... why am I/they so far away?

Oh well, my flight leaves at 6:50 tonight. Tonight I am entitling myself to an amstel light before the flight since I'm grouchy still.

You know that feeling when you are dealing with a bunch of BS and you are on the verge of crying but you don't want to but if you did you would probably feel better? I feel like waterworks today.

Also, can someone please give me like ummmm $3,000. Is that really so much to ask for????? I think that is pretty reasonable...

You know what Madison? You're right... I can't hide in the brush, I'll never see the sun if I do unless I put on those 6"heels... There was actually a guy that my friend of mine knew from his country club. Aparently the guy lost a lot of money is his investments, his company was sinking, he was going to declare bankruptcy and his wife was leaving him... you know what? He shot himself. It is sad that people get so low and down and out because of money problems that ending their life is the only way they see to get an out. The funny thing for me (not ha ha funny - ironic funny) is that I only have under $5000 in debt. I know people with 10, 20, even 30 or 40 G's in debt. You would think that I would be able to pay this off lickity split. For some reason I can't get ahead, can't catch up, have constant BS hidden expenses that are in que just waiting for me to finally be OK with where I am and start seeing a balance go down for once instead of up with interest charges. One day I will be debt free and that will be the best feeling ever! OK, maybe not the best, but SO GOOD! I finally understand the reason that my parents always were against my spending habits. Why is it that when you are younger all you can see is that day or weekend and not 20 years from now. I am going to be sure to tell my little sis to be happy, be debt free and plan for her future! Thank you life lesson #87599999999999999999999999999999999999999999'